Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
