I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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