my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
