I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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