im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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