Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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