I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
