If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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