I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
