I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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