Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
