I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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