I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
