i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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