i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
