we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
