FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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