dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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