Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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