The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
