Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
