her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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