Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
