If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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