Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
love makes seman taste better
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you never un-have a 4some
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Someone signed my nipple.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
