You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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