If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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