I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
