I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
