so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
