I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
