I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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