his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
