Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
