It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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