i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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