it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
