Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
