i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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