I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
