Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
