Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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