her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
