He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
