last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
