don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
