Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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