her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
