It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
