either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
