She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
