State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
