So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
